19:55: bit of a fight in the group.
erm... i'm not touching this one with a 10-foot pole!

my legs feel like they've just gone through ten hours of training with the fencing coach from hell. i've been walking and running and climbing to school and to meetings this past week. chilling out tonight to do a marathon of c.s.i. miami at my friend's house.

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02:44: i keep on asking for signs.

the thing is, i don't like the signs i'm getting. they scare me...

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01:51: a little shocked.
a little numb.
then saddened.
now, a little envious.

goodye, janet. we hope you're in a much better place.

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03:19: nirvana says no singapore. aww... too bad.
i was pretty wiped out when i got to school. all i wanted was my bed, my pillows and my teddy bear. i used my lack of sleep as an excuse not to talk. when he said goodbye after the class, i just held out my hand, half-goodbye, half-"don't talk to me". i was in no mood to talk to anyone, least of all him.

influx of new members in tpts after the NU107 guesting. new worlds convention is coming up, so we could use the manpower.

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23:13: warning. long post.
but read it anyway. this one means a lot to me.

if you haven't guessed yet, yes, i am a renthead. and i am an even bigger fan of its creator, jonathan larson. today is the 7th anniversary of the great man's death. so to honor jon larson, the only music i will be listening to from today until february 4th, his birthday, will be the soundtracks to his plays, rent and tick, tick... BOOM!

i could tell you the story of how i fell in love with the plays and larson's ideology. where it all began for me and where it has gotten me to. i could go on and on about the profound effect it has made on my life and the lives of some of my other friends and other 20- and 30-somethings. but i don't want to bore you with MY story. suffice to say that i felt... complete every night that we staged a larson performance.

i think bobby garcia said it best and said it all in the piece he wrote for the rent manila 2001 programme. so, bobby, for all the v-cut and flat tops i brought to rehearsals, i hope you don't mind if i borrow your words.

thank you, jonathan
by bobby garcia

I never got to meet Jonathan Larson. Not in person, at least. By the time I met the people involved with the RENT productions abroad, he was no longer around. Jonathan died of an aortic aneurism the night before RENT had its first preview Off Broadway at the New York Theatre Workshop. He didn't live long enough to see how successful his show had become or how far his message would reach. He never got to meet the many people who share the joy and optimism of his show. Yet, over the last two years directing his play, I feel I have gotten to know him quite well. And for everything he has shared with me over the years, I'd like to thank him.

Thank you, Jonathan, for rejuvenating musical theatre and bringing it to a new audience. For all of us who grew up on the musicals of yesteryear, yet longed for something that spoke directly to us, Jonathan came along and gave us RENT. As a child weaned on musicals, I always hoped to find something that represented myself on stage. I was just a baby when HAIR came out and was never able to relate to it when I was growing up. Living in Manila when A CHORUS LINE came out, I never fully understood the cut throat "God I Hope I Get It!" industry of the Broadway chorus member. CATS, PHANTOM, LES MIZ were mesmerizing to me as a young adult, but only because the characters were extensions of the fantasies I had. But RENT had characters on stage who loved just like me and who dealt with the struggles of day to day life the way I did. I have seen many teenagers who would never have gone to theatre suddenly get enamoured by musicals because of RENT.

Thank you, Jonathan, for teaching me to value time. How many of us postpone things until tomorrow, never realizing that tomorrow is but a gift that is not promised to us? Now, I make sure that each day I fulfill a personal goal. Perhaps this is the most valuable lesson I have learned in my 32 years as a member of mankind.

Thank you, Jonathan, for teaching me to be more forgiving yet less patient. Forgiveness is a hard virtue to learn. Especially nowadays, when so much of what is going on around us seems unforgivable. I have become less patient because patience requires waiting and waiting wastes time. But, everyday I come into rehearsals, and see your characters constantly forgive each other for their shortcomings. There's Maureen, Joanne, Roger and Mimi. The characters in your show live and love without judgment only hoping that others won't judge them either.

Thank you, Jonathan for reminding me to be tolerant. I remember Matthew Shepard, who, in Laramie, Wyoming in sub-zero weather, was beaten senseless and tied to a split-rail fence. He died an agonizing death simply because he was homosexual. It seems there are still many who can't accept other people's differences. So they beat and kill those whose lifestyles they do not understand. I don't have the patience for those people. But I am working on forgiveness.

Thank you, Jonathan, for reminding me that we all need dignity in our lives and dignity in our deaths. Especially those of us with serious ailments that we still haven't found a cure for.

Thank you, Jonathan, for reminding me that we still need to find a cure. For AIDS, for cancer, for any disease, ailment or condition that takes away the lives of our loved ones from us.

Thank you, Jonathan, for introducing me to many fascinating and captivating people. I have met some of the most inspiring artists, both abroad and in Manila, because of RENT. I have also met your family and best friends, all wonderful people who have now become a part of my life. We have assembled a truly passionate cast (and crew! --> lifey) here, just as the productions abroad continue to cast young artists who wear their hearts on their sleeves and promise to be the future generation of musical theatre artists.

Thank you, Jonathan, for reminding me of the lasting power of art. A hundred years from now accounting ledgers will have wasted away in decay, but the art we create today will still be around. It is our way of leaving this world a better place.

Thank you, Jonathan, for giving me a chance to get to know you better through your art. I know you're around us at rehearsals encouraging us when we're at our wits end, and lifting our spirits when we are too tired to continue. I feel your presence everyday. It has been a great honor working with you.

Thank you, Jonathan, for RENT and for this amazing journey I have taken with you I will remember and cherish forever.

Thank you, Jonathan. And Godspeed.

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01:18: in an effort to calm myself further, i've begun doing some research for my class. here's a little something i found:

"Vincent van Gogh had a larger family than many people realize. Some of the lesser known members of that family:
The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia - U. Gogh
The brother who accidentally bleached all his clothes white - Hue Gogh
The sister who wore a mini-skirt and liked to dance in bars - Go Gogh
The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
The uncle who was constipated - Cant Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store - Stop N. Gogh
His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
The cousin who moved to Illinois - Chica Gogh
His magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico - Amee Gogh
Another cousin who lived in Mexico - Grin Gogh
Nephew who drove a stagecoach - Well Far Gogh
Aunt who loved Argentine dancing - Tan Gogh
His ornithologist uncle - Flamin Gogh
His nephew, the Freudian psychoanalyst- E. Gogh
His cousin who loved tropical fruits - Mang Gogh
The aunt who promoted positive thinking - Way to Gogh
His bouncy young nephew - Po Gogh
The niece, who's been traveling the US in a van - Winnie Bay Gogh"
Credited by B. Moriarty to Nancy Sojka of Decorah, IA, on ArtsEdNet Talk listserve, Jan. 27, 1998.

more on van gogh here and here.

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00:15: home from the concert. it was a great show, despite some problems with the mixing and falling lapels. they had a pretty interesting concept, though i didn't really like the set all that much. loved the music! tickets were expensive but were, as etoile promised, well worth it.

would've had more fun if my non-date had shown up, though.

i've had it with men. really. i'm such a jerk-magnet. ewan ko ba.

anyway... elthoron called when i got home. that made my night, at least.

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16:10: my first post from home! whee!!!

got nothing to say, really. just happy that the connection is up and running.

i'm watching etoile's concert tonight. (don't ask the title.) i'm pretty excited! they'll be featuring jazz guitarist, tanapat. he's from thailand. i hear he's pretty good.

anyway, i should go get ready. still have to find something to wear. dammit. a non-date and i still have to dress up nice.

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19:39: school is beginning to bore me. the only class that makes my mind work is art history. funny. i never really liked modern art. i was looking forward to my music and sound design classes, but we're not doing much. hope the pace picks up soon. ho-hum. hroom. can't wait till work starts.

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19:32: so what did happen at that family dinner thingy? had lots of food, filipino this time, since my cousin has been away for so long and he probably misses it. lots to drink, too. and loads of great conversation about lord of the rings, the ring and 24, and just good old joking around, roy-style. oh, and fireworks, gandalf! fireworks!

after all that? the singing. wev and khali were the first victims. no way they could've left that party without everyone making them sing. they did a duet of endless love with khali singing lionel richie's part and wev singing diana ross's. it was a surprisingly good rendition, though we were all laughing our butts off in the end and they switched roles because wev couldn't get control of his giggles. then kizzi and toonic sang with or without you. also good. with my sister not present, i was the next and last target. they made me sing unforgettable. i guess it wasn't all that bad. i surprised some of them, khali included, and i even surprised myself. but kizzi did the nat king cole part and sang it with me, so that made it easier.

so, yeah, i'm thinking of joining arok diwa when the school's org week comes. haha.

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19:04: it's calling me... it's in my name. in my blood. in my very being.

must... stop myself... aarrrrgh!!!
must resist... the... music!

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18:49: snippet form an interview found in The Manila Times
by Alex Brosas
Januray 16, 2003

During an interview with the star, she said Bobby never runs out of surprises. “It’s nice to have a director who’s not just there to earn money. He’s really so involved with his material and this makes work a lot of fun,” she says.

This she says is why she feels kind of left out when she’s not part of a Bobby Garcia-directed production. Case in point was How I Learned To Drive. “I watched the show and it left me wishing I was a part of it.”

oh, i know all too well what that's like... i feel that way about any good play or movie. lord of the rings, for example. the prod people ate, breathed and slept tolkien for about 4 years. i'm sure at some point, you'll get sick of it. but you still wouldn't trade it in for the world. kakainggit sila! but working with bobby is truly something else.

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19:58: we live with the choices we make. but sometimes we forget that our actions affect others.

i had hoped that getting caught would put a stop to it. i had hoped that you would learn your lesson. i didn't even say "i told you so" because i knew you didn't need to hear that from me. from the few of us who knew. but i had hoped that was the end of it.

i wish you hadn't told me. i wish i had found out like everyone else did. at least i wouldn't have to bear the burden of having to face all these questions and having to defend something i never approved of in the first place.

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18:04: i knew something bad was going to happen.

last wednesday, someone told the cad that mitch was gone. we didn't really know what that meant. maybe it was a misunderstanding of some sort. they explained to me that he had been hospitalized and that he couldn't take visitors. but no one knew if the new message was a joke. then last night, i found out that mitch had died and that he was to be buried today. a few of the guys from the class were going to commute and take a shuttle or a bus to batangas for the wake last night. i would've gone with them but i hadn't brought enough money for the trip and it was getting late. i didn't want to risk getting stranded so far away from home at so late an hour.
so all i can do is say a prayer.

rest now, mitchell mojares.

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19:07: "lifecafe, are you free for dreamgirls?"
"yeah. yeah!"
"okay then, you're hired."



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19:05: met an interesting guy this morning. another actor. why do i always seem to gravitate towards these artist types? must be the bohemian-wannabe in me. ...not that he's a "starving" artist. more like a sell-out. hahaha... i'm kidding.
anyway, he's a funny guy. talked for a couple of hours and mostly laughed over the silliest little things till our eyes were starting to tear and we couldn't breathe and the sun was rising.

moo...

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18:58: found out from bitter little girl that thundercats, one of my all-time favorite cartoons, is being aired on cartoon network. i missed the first episode last monday but was able to catch the next one last night.

i watched with wide-eyed wonder and a silly grin as the opening theme played. it was only on the first commercial break that i realized i didn’t move a muscle since opening credits. honestly, i looked like this: the entire time! the only thing i could say was “p**a, pare, this is so cool, man!” i rushed out to tell my brother about it. after the break, i could hear him from upstairs, explaining to his little girl who the characters were and what the sword did. and when they showed snarf again, i heard him shout “it’s snarf!! look!” he was more excited than i was! he was even whistling the end theme while they flashed the end credits.

hehe... it’s fun to be a kid again, even if it’s only for half an hour every night.


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17:53: first day of school. i'm going to classes which i haven't even encoded yet. i'm still waiting for my adviser to sign my form so i can encode then enroll. i had my thesis deferred. it was the best thing to do, i guees. if i hadn't, i'd be faced with a full load, work on a big, new play, and i'd be doing my thesis alone. at least this way, i'm doing a full load in school, working on the new play, but doing my thesis with a group. all i gotta do is just pull my own weight and i'll be ok. but i still think something else is gonna go wrong...


i know it's mean but i gotta add this little tidbit... i was at the mall when they started playing love has come my way, a himig handog entry interpreted by heart evangelista. i overheard these two ladies talking about it.
"'yan yung kanta ni heart."
"ah, maganda pala boses nya..."
"hindi. maganda ba 'yan?!"



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18:37: i can't help but get the feeling that something isn't right. no... more like something is about to go terribly wrong.

i hope i'm wrong about whatever this is.

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16:50: ooh... another year down. let me do a run down of bad things and good things...

bad/sad things

not seeing my sister (christmas dinner chat with kizzi's webcam not counted). i miss my sister. i worry about you guys, trins. hope you and your hubby are ok.

not being a part of rocky. really killed me, that one. it was like i went cold turkey. i've just realized i was the only person from tick, tick... BOOM!who wasn't part of it!

huggyball, sydneygirl and lau moving away. everyone's leaving! waaaah!!

being stuck in school while most of my friends have graduated already. i don't mind this too much. but i do miss the company. and the thought of being in college for 5 years on a course not related to medicine or law is pretty depressing.

good things

having been part of proof. i wasn't excited about it, but when i finished reading the script i had to say "wow. this is a really good play." plus shanghai boy and i got to bond a little, after finding out he's a tolkien fan, too. and having worked with lea salonga was great. i'd not have known about rex navarette, were it not for her. hehehe...

tick, tick... BOOM!. the play itself has taught me so much. it reinforced everything i believed in but couldn't seem to live out, and erased the fear of uncertainty. jon larson was a frickin' genius. of cousre working there was a blast. i always always love working with etoile and everyone in that company. ...mmm...twinkie.

good grades. this year, i have had the most ridiculous test scores ever. not that i'm complaining, but really... it's ridiculous! i don't really like it. i'm geeky enough as it is.

friends. old or new, i'm lucky to have them all. i've made some great new friends this year.

tpts and swp. and other such groups. because we embrace geekiness.

elthoron. ::harakiri smiley::

i can't seem to think of anything else, but i know that a lot of good stuff happened to me in the past year. here's hoping it moves on to this new year.

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