04:17: can you see me? can you see what i've become? are you happy? are you proud? did you ever think i'd be anything like this? anything like you?
you weren't the easiest person to live with, but i always loved you. somehow, i wish i had known. i would have understood your pain and your anger. but i guess you were only protecting me from hate, the same hate you lived with. i only hope i can be as accepting, if not as forgiving, as you.
i could have learned so much from you. if only i had spent more time with you instead of locking myself up in my room all the time...
i wish i hadn't been born last.

oh, dammit, i forgot to post before midnight. still... happy birthday, fuzz, wherever you may be.

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16:03: panic. panic. panic.
no brain juice left. this script is sucking me dry.

think like a kid... think like a kid...

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04:22: figured i'd jump ship, so i did. now i'm floating around... testing the waters, sort of. at least i have a vest to keep me from completely drowning. but it's a rental, so it doesn't count. meantime, the new ship i'm swiming to is looking in the other direction. so maybe i'll just swim back to shore...

sigh... all this swimming... kite flying is a better distraction.

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01:57: i'm hoping this will be a very short-lived distraction. i don't want to have to go through this again.

oh well... way to be a hedonist!

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04:57: watched sound at monks dream with nala. ooohwhee... we missed the first set, but at least i got to hear two of my top 3 songs from their cd. they also did covers of stuff from ben folds, red hot chili peppers, gary v, etc. pretty cool... the music in between sets was heaven, too. ahh... i could've chilled there all night.

after that, nala took me home and i invited her in to check out a few tracks from the natalie cole dvd kizzi had lent me. i wanted her to hear 2 songs. we ended up watching a third of the whole concert. she was practically glued to the seat. of course, the chocolates made it worse. that girl is a bigger dessert monster than i am...

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16:59: hmm...
wednesday. used to be hard rock day. but i've got other plans tonight.

happy birthday, etoile! and belated happy birthday, shanghai boy!

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04:28: now maybe i didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
but i did it anyway
now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
but you couldn't share the pain no, no, no
couldn't share the pain, they watch you suffer

now maybe i could have made my own mistakes
but i live with what i've known
and then maybe we might share in something great
but won't you look at where we've grown
won't you look at where we've gone
but then someday comes tomorrow holds
a sense of what I feel for you in my mind
as you trip the final line

---from far behind
by candlebox


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06:34: if a year ago, someone had told me that eddie jordan would have one of his drivers on the top step of a podium in 2003, i would have said "what alternate universe are you living in??" much as i want to see that infinitely sad man smile, i never thought it would be possible. a renault, probably. a BAR would be nice. a sauber, possibly. a jaguar, if they're lucky. but a jordan? nah... the guy's too unlucky, the car is too unreliable, and the other teams are too damn good.
but it did happen. fisichella has been given first place for brazil, after the FIA reversed their decision. the FIA's new rules for qualifying have certainly made the first three races of this season the most entertaining ones i have ever seen.

which is why i am looking forward to today's race. i have yet to see any of this season's races live. watched qualifying tonight and was pleasantly surprised when webber out-qualified raikkonen. after my initial yell, i heard claps. from next door.
oh. so he's back. wev asked me why i don't watch the races with tunic. my answer?
"because he's a FERRARI FAN!!"

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05:33: urinetown is next. what can i say about it? i'm not sure i like the music... the lead fits cornetto guy to a T, though. and the cop will probably be miller. other than that, i can't think of anyone else for the other roles. ...maybe jinky llamanzares for penny.
anyway, i do like the story, though. while reading it, i was thinking to myself "ok... uh-huh... this is great. funny! ...but where is this going?" then you get that pie-in-the-face ending. wow.
mommyball would kill me for thinking about the show this early. but i can't help it. i'm bored.

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03:27: rent concert. disappointing band. but it was still cool. etoile still doesn't have her old voice back, so nala had to do the solo. i love nala, she was a great maureen, but the solo is still different without etoile. twin jersey was a good maureen, too. but i think i kinda liked nala's act better. chiquita did a great angel! waffle king has gotten soooo much better. kinda makes me proud. hell, they all make me proud! ...parang naman kasama ako sa production! hahahaha... ang kapal ko!

they started showing random snapshots of everyone towards the end. i thought i'd be ok. the screen began fading to black and i thought i'd get through the show with my eyes dry. then, BOOM! they show a snapshot of jon larson. iyak ako. it was like a billboard saying: hey, i know it's fun to be there watching this, but don't take it for granted. not the music, not the message, not your past experiences, not any of it. then they all sang the racketeer's arrangement of love heals. no matter how many times i hear that song, it never ever ever fails to make me cry. dang. what a night.


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03:10: still happy. so happy i was screaming and hooting for joy for about 10 seconds. then i realized that i must've looked really stupid. but i'm still happy.

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19:08: heard some really really really good news today.
...no emoticon could possibly show just how happy i am right now.

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06:52: recently discovered sound (what am i, deaf?), a local group that plays some pretty darn good music. i first heard about them at sanctum. wanted to watch them but, like all sanctum-based gigs, i can never find anyone to go with me. that, plus getting out of the walled city is always a problem.
sound plays a funky, jazzy bossa nova, bordering on pop. think jamiroquai, minus vocalist jason kay, plus duncan sheik. songs are very urban. the album starts with a creepy low tone which turns out to be a busina ng bus. or was it a barko? they have one tagalog track, which i rather like very much. it uses simple words, nothing i have to look up in a filipino dictionary. neither extremely introspective, nor silly radio-friendly. it's somewhere in the perfect middle of it all, with an infectious groove that's bound to keep your head bobbing and/or your foot tapping. most songs have the same mood.
so far, all i've heard is their cd, which isn't bad at all. but i've been wanting to see them live. heard from a friend that they also play at monk's dream. this friend, who owns a car and lives nearby, apparently likes hanging out at monk's dream and is constantly looking for someone to hang with. so i guess it won't be long before i see these guys live. lucky me.

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06:30: something i found in my readings for music class (of all things!)

One does not ordinarily see, for example, how many steps one goes up in entering a building, because there is ordinarily no point in noticing this unless one is tired. There is good reason to observe this regularly only for those people who, for some personal reason, have a neurotic tendency to count steps.

this really cracked me up.
gee. i guess they weren't kidding when they said i was neurotic.

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04:22: watched one hour photo. not a bad movie... was pretty surprised to find out that it was written and directed by mark romanek. mark romanek used to be a music video director, one of the best. he and chris cunningham were what i wanted to be, back when i was in high school, anyway. but i've found film and video to be too controlled. funny... specially coming from a control freak like me.

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04:01: forgot my quote for last weekend...

"how do you misplace something that big?"

this applies to the giant headdress they use for vegas, my ladder, and even etoile's voice. of course etoile didn't misplace her voice, she just plain lost it.

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03:59: pare-o. pare-o. pare-o.

nâo me pergunte como eu sou. nâo me pergunte o que eu estou fazendo. nâo me faça o sorriso. nâo me faça o riso. nâo me faça isto. nâo quando você a amar ainda.

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