00:12: dealings with a cabby:
cabby:saan kayo?
me: new manila
cabby:saan sa new manila?
me: broadway.
cabby: *questioning look*...broadway?
me: malapit sa st. luke's.
cabby: magkano binabayad mo dun, brod?
me: uh... (did he just say "brod"?) hindi. ako. lalake.

i think if he hadn't inadvertently insulted me, he probably would've refused or charged me twice the ususal fare. guess i'm pretty lucky i didn't slam the door right after he said that, or i'd still probably be waiting for a cab at this hour. still...

i don't need to be reminded that i need a major change of wardrobe. if my allowance were big enough to so that i could do some shopping regularly, then i wouldn't have that much of a problem. but noooooo...

...sigh.

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17:26: dumating lang si bitter little girl, nawala na sa isip ko yung sasabihin ko. not that i have a lot to say... my days have still been boring. i'm picking up the dvd player from the repair shop today, though. back to late night screenings. maybe now we can have that queer as folk marathon with unsqueamish friends. fun!
my brother once asked me why i watch "that queer show thingy" 'coz i'm a fag hag, that's why! with all the "gayness" i'm exposed to at work and at school, how can i not be?

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03:17: the dvd player is under repair, cable tv bores me and having this ground on our phone line makes it almost impossible to go online. so i do a lot of reading. ever since we finished our thesis, my friends have been giving me books to read. and i mean books by the flippin' series! i've already finished half of ulan's pile and i'm halfway thruogh the first of two sets of books from the bitter and whiny little girls.

bad habits are hard to break. my sleeping pattern hasn't changed much, though i still stay up till 5am or so. at least that shaves two hours off of my old sched. i am now a little bit more healthy, if not sane, i think.

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22:51: twenty six letters in the fricking alphabet and the universe decides to throw me those two, in that same order. funny. very funny.

had lunch at my bro's place to celebrate mom's birthday, but someone was missing. hmm... i wonder why? not feeling well? right... that makes two in a row. nuninuninu... *cough* wala lang. come to think of it, fuzz never went with us to urdaneta, either. in my whole childhood, i remember him going just one time. ...are we as bad as the suas?? oh well... i guess we all have our own definitions of "family." malas lang niya, we caranwes are very clannish.

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17:39: i don't speak of it or write about it as much as it occupies my thoughts. but it's there, constantly.

i often wonder why it had to happen at all. it was by chance that it started. the result of yet another brilliantly dumb move on my part. i had hoped it would stop there. but you surprised me. you really were much braver than i thought. braver, at least, than many that i know. and that made me a little braver, too. made me begin to go against my better judgment. i should have known better.

my friends and i speculate on what the first three griffin and sabine books might mean. i came up with about 3 theories. a morbid one, a plausible one, and a romantic one. who's to say what the author truly meant? i'd like to think that they're both real and separate entities and that they found each other through time and space and stayed together. i'd like to think that a case with circumstances as bizarre as theirs can still, somehow, work out. i, of course, am a disillusioned idiot.
see, lifey? even in fiction, it doesn't happen.


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05:03: wow, i'm touched. i didn't think you guys would miss me. heeheehee...

i can't believe i haven't posted an entry in over a month! not that a lot happened... yeah, ok, a lot happened, but i won't go into that anymore.

biggest news is: i'm done with my thesis. we all got a 3.0 (4.0 being the highest), though i think we could've done better if only--- oh, nevermind, it's over and done with, anyway. my thanks, by the way, to bitter little girl and whiny little girl, who came to watch the show despite my warnings. many, many thanks also to the cad. you are one brave soul, my friend!

oh. this, i must add before i go back to sorting my mail.
kung iisipin mo
di naman dati ganito
teka muna, teka lang
kailan tayo nailang
kung iisipin mo
di naman dati ganito
kay bilis kasi ng buhay
pati tayo natangay
---from burnout by sugarfree

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