03:14: i had reached a point when i thought that none of it was real. i thought i had imagined it all. perhaps my drab life pushed me to go griffin and sabine.... but it was real, sometimes, whenever it wasn't a game.

since i haven't had much chance to go online, i haven't really written anything about what's been going on. i have no account of the mess that i have been these past months. i've been doing a fair job of keeping myself distracted with work and other things. but the show is over and i'm running out of places to hide. so here goes...

maybe you'll read this, if you care enough. but i doubt that you ever will.

i miss not being able to feel. i miss treating things like these as a joke. must be great not to care and to forget so easily. i wish i had even half of your callous nature. i wish that in the times that i had played it cool, i really did mean to be cold, and not just indifferent to make you think that i cared a lot less than i actually did and still do.
i don't know why it affects me. it shouldn't. there was nothing there. nothing substantial. i didn't lose you because you were never mine to begin with. but the sadness condenses into a physical form that drips and rolls down my cheeks.
in the short time that i "knew" you, you changed me. you had begun to draw out the person that i was always waiting to be. i am now back to my old self. perhaps i will never be that person i almost was. but it's good to know that i CAN be, should someone ever find the courage to take me there. you taught me that much. so, thank you, fox. and goodbye.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
02:17: christmas came and went and... what? that was christmas?

plainly put, the 24th sucked. it basically spelled out: YOU ARE ALONE. my brothers were with their wives and kids and in-laws down south. i, being single, well... go figure. i'd have stayed in wilson or at home, in broadway, if i could. but i sorta promised the Birthday Celebrant that i wouldn't leave my mom alone. the 25th was a lot better. i got to chat with my sister, albeit briefly. and brothers are always fun. plus, they give excellent gifts like ... my precious ice lens wiretap shades. the same ones i was saving up for. preciousssss....

i spent the day with my old friends. my throat hurts from trying to talk over them (they make such a racket sometimes), but it was fun, nonetheless. was pleasantly surprised to find bitter little girl taking a bit of an interest in tolkien. long time coming. :) also pleasantly surprised to find that i can sing songs by evanescence. kind of fun.

still have a hangover from the premieres (need you ask what movie it is i refer to?)... and i can't wait till the regular screenings at greenbelt 3! meantime, here's a forwarded sms message from a friend, painting a good picture of what cinemas will be like for the rest of this year:
"Friends, time to switch to DVD. Atsay Film Fest begins, a week of brain deprivation timed with the birth of Xt to remind us that true poverty is intellectual."
call me eliteist and evil... but it's true. :D

brewed by lifecafe  

 
21:43: thank god for futbol. cheering for real madrid gave me something to do last night. i'm enjoying my time off from work... been window shopping since yesterday. i found a lot of wantable wants today, though. loads of williams merchandise... the ones i've been eyeing on the net. ...i think i'll go get a job at a call center and cash in on the material life for a bit. hehehe.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
15:36: não grite, não grite, não grite... you're at a bank. não grite, não grite, não grite... you're at the mall.
não grite... you'll be ok.

brewed by lifecafe