01:07: what would happen if we never healed from our wounds? our emotional wounds, i mean. if we never scar, would we keep bleeding forever? and how long would it take before all the internal bleeding would actually kill us?
what wounds am i dying from at this moment? what wounds do i carry with me?
there's the one i worshipped from afar. the wound born from incredulous obsession. a bruise? a phantom wound with a phantom pain that lasted all my teenage years. not a threat.
then there's the only one i ever truly fell in-love with. a deep wound. i may still be bleeding from it, though it no longer hurts. this could be the death of me, killing me slowly as we speak.
there's also the one that would have been a great love. a fresh wound. it opens each time i move. it hurts the most, though i may not bleed much from it. it may feel like i'll die from it, but it is nothing fatal. ...or perhaps it's the kind you dismiss as a scratch, without fully knowing the complications it brought.
and there's elthoron. if emotional wounds could be stitched, my beloved would be the thread that pulls it all back together to close the wounds. the one i would hate to lose. as a friend, as one i love, as a mentor, as a muse, as a colleague, it could mean instant death for me to lose this one. no real wound. the only pain there is the truth that we aren't, can't, and shouldn't be together. but we love each other anyway. and somehow that makes everything alright, whether or not old wounds are killing me slowly.
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