03:50: i forgot about the party at peligro. good thing khali was too happy to have cared. i called him to check on my kitten and i could hear him talking in the background "what happened to the light? oh no---don't tell me you guys---aaaarrrrgh!! (into the receiver) you're cat... sh---she---she's a monster!!" then he gave a detailed speech on the things fitz would do every morning to wake him up. pretty much the same stuff she does to me, which is why i'm trying to get as much sleep as i can while she's still at her uncle khali's house with sydney for a playmate. once i get her back, i'm sure i'll be back to 3 hours of sleep a night. i miss her, though. khali says his guests love her and a few of them have wanted to adopt her. ha! not a chance.

i'm still on a high.
:)
:)
:)
ok, enough.
:D

brewed by lifecafe  

 
03:54: you want me to be your what?! funny.
you're serious about this?
hmm. i'm ok with that. sure. of course. i'd love to.
:)

brewed by lifecafe  

 
21:30: back from the beach. wow. the last four days have been wonderful. this being my first time at a beach, i think any other beach i may go to after boracay will be disappointing. i love the fine white sand, i love the clear water, i love the wind, i love being in the water, being on the shore, riding above the water... i love it all. i must have spent an average of 2 to 3 hours under the sun every day i was there. surprising for someone who hates the sun and the heat. i didn't get all that dark, though. waddyaknow, ozone spf 70 worked. :)

here's my "doris"* journal

saturday. we got on the first flat boat just as the sun was going down. we entered boracay from the back door, in a manner of speaking. the wind was pretty wild, so we had to take another route and go in from another port, somewhere at the back of the island. the detour was an experience and i didn't mind. after we got into our rooms and settled in, we had dinner, the strong winds keeping mosquitoes away. after dinner, we walked along the beach all the way to the posh side of the island and back, then had a drink before calling it a night. though it was dark and i couldn't see much, i liked the island already.

sunday. we tried swimming in front of the main island. this not so huge but particularly strong wave hit us and for a split second i swear i forgot where i was. then i realized that the wave knocked my tooth out. i didn't even bother trying to look for it, despite the water being clear enough to see thru. hilarious! pucha. paano ba naman ako poporma nang walang ngipin? sabagay, wala naman din akong nakitang pwedeng pormahan. ah, well. we decided to go some place with calmer waters so we went boating and snorkeling before heading for another beach. nice swim there. bought some nice jewelry from the kids. i skipped dinner with my companions to watch the race on cable. i'm glad i did. i thought the race would be boring, but it was rather eventful.

monday. winds are better. ate lunch, swam, played disc, swam, bummed and shopped, had dinner and dessert. i love this life. honestly, if all we did was sit on the shore, under the shade, i still wouldn't mind. i kept wishing i had a camera with me. the view was entertaining enough, definitely, and my summer md kept me happy.

tuesday. pretty much the same as the pervious day. before sunset, we rode the paraw. god, it's great. quiet, relaxing, plenty of photo ops. i could have chased the sun endlessly.

wednesday. woke up early. relatively. packed and ready for the trip back home. (i don't want to go home!) but first, some shopping. hehehehe. keep me away from beads. seriously.
a boat, a bus, and a tricycle ride later, we were in kalibo airport, some 4 hours before our flight. i was grumpy as hell from the moment i got off the bus. i think the heat (minus the wind, the water, my shades and a good view) finally got to me. not to mention the waitress got my order wrong. i had asked for a bacon & egg sandwich and she gave me a mango shake. (what the---?! bacon & egg = "meyngo shek", i guess.) i let it go and took the shake. at least it was mango and not melon. our flight was delayed and the boredom was beginning to kill me. i realized that one of the worst forms of torture that you can give me is to lock me in a room on a hot summer day with only wrestling on tv and what a friend calls "poor man's techno" on the radio, no air conditioning, no fan, and no water in the bathroom.

the cab ride from the airport was enough of a reality check. nothing like 6pm manila traffic to throw you back into city life. i am home. and tired. and i want to sleep. but there are ants in my bed. argh. hello, couch.


*doris: tourist. bisaya, eh. :D

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03:57: ewan ko ba kung bakit di ko malagay yung litrato ko sa profile ko. it won't accept the link to my picture, no matter what i try. anyway....

watched the gig at hard rock. rockers doing standards and jazzifying rock songs. it was fun. khali surprised a few people, including our friends. he has been dishing out standards like that for as long as i can remeber... since i asked for a karaoke one christmas, i think. his short set was no big deal for me, i hear him do things like that all the time. but it was amusing to watch the crowd's reactions.
it must be a nightmare to work with this guy. i'd have to have a PA on him the whole time to keep him focused.

skarlet (is that how you spell her name?) was good, too. she sounded like an old jazz singer... i can't quite figure out which one.

i was really proud of miller, though. maybe he has always been that way with that singing style, maybe getting into theatre has made his voice more flexible, i dunno. but he sounded pretty good. and he has lost so much weight, too! pressure must be on for the upcoming play.

i still think the girls shoulda been asked to wear chuck taylors, too. hehe.


packed. swimsuits, sarong, sunscreen, frisbee, md and everything. we fly at 3pm.

BORACAY!!!!!!

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05:08: 36 hours more

summer fun. i completely forgot about singapore. oops. teehee... wish i could take some with me this weekend, but i'm too chicken to try anything like that.
i just needed to do something that required zero thinking.

before that, i had a good, lucid talk with khali. (does that maybe explain the urge to do some brainless act?) he wants to get things done in a couple of weeks. it's up to his fiancee, though. i wish them the best, whatever the best may be.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
01:42: i'm making a compilation of summer songs or songs that for whatever reason remind me of summer. i'm including tracks from the self-titled album of blind melon, something i listened to endlessly the summer before i started college. basti really does sound like hoon sometimes. i miss that guy. both basti and shannon hoon, actually.

the rest of the disc will have bossa nova and maybe some semi-shtoogshtoogized bossa nova.

four more days. i can't wait.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
00:57: wev: he's hot, right?
me: what? (did he just say that?!)
wev: i mean he plays hot? galing?
me: uh... yeah. he's good. i guess.

rumor has it this hot guy isn't too happy in his current band. wev might pirate the guy to play for loquy. i don't like him, but he'll definitely add a great sound to the group. kashmir would sound much better with him there, as would the jeff buckley and dave matthews covers. hmm... interesting.

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06:07: troy was good. i liked the costumes (the trojans, especially), the long shots, the swordplay....

brad pitt was .... put it this way, after his first blow to the thessalonian warrior, i said "puchanginangyananakkangangdiyosapaanomoginawayanhayopka!" and i'm not even a big fan of brad pitt. he picks good movies and interesting characters, but he, as brad pitt, just never really did it for me. here, he was every bit the hero i imagined achilles to be.
hector has always been my favorite character from the trojan war, but eric bana didn't seem like enough of a leader. he was ok, though. i still love hector. i will never understand how he could show so much devotion to a fruit of a brother who was practically a stranger, maybe an impostor, for all they knew.
it's interesting to note that sean bean plays odysseus. for those of you who know greek mythology and are familiar with sean bean's films, you'll know why this is noteworthy.

taking the whole divine intervention bit out of the story made it more realistic, i suppose. i'm not sure i like it, but it worked. in almost every book i've read, it was always as much a battle between the olympians as it was between the greeks and the trojans. men are their pawns. mere playthings. but for the audience unfamiliar with greek mythology, the whole concept of the greeks being fatalists wasn't quite as easy to grasp.
though i walked into the theater knowing what would happen and how it would end, the achilles-briseis angle still kept me guessing. never read much on that and i couldn't remember what became of briseis.

must see this again in greenbelt 3.

one more rave...
saw jamie cullum on conan o'brien. must buy album. both of them.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
04:33: i've been watching way too much reality tv. this new cable channel, (new to our service provider, anyway) etc, has this one show called starting over, where 6 women all live in one house, trying to work out their personal problems and fix their lives. this girl, lori, was asked to share her story and had everyone crying, myself included. one of the other girls, maureen, suggested a group hug, thinking she needed one since lori probably hadn't had anyone hug her since her husband died 5 years back. group hugs weren't really lori's thing, but she just went with the program.

i realize that i am not a very touchy-feely sort of person. at least not the overly affectionate kind. my friends are the kind who say hello and goodbye with a kiss on the cheek. among long-time friends, that's alright, but i find myself less comfortable doing the same actions with other people. with others, i respond but rarely initiate. still, there are those rare occasions when a hug or a head on a shoulder makes things easier.

touch is important. one touch can say a lot. my niece showed me that when she was two years old. i sat on the floor, frustrated and upset, camera in hand. she didn't know enough words to ask what was wrong or to say something that would make me feel better, but she tilted her head, said my name, and touched my arm. it was enough.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
00:48: i was playing with fitz and found orange marks on her tummy, obviously from my marker, which she sometimes plays with. funny thing is, she can't uncap the marker, and certainly can't put the cap back on with just her paws and teeth.
i found the marker with the cap on it... which means... riiiaaaan! my niece denied it, but the truth was obvious. her dad caught her and she was on the verge of tears when he made her come to me, admitting she did it.

much as i wanted to show her how upset i was, it was just too funny. at least she knows i'm less upset when she tells the truth.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
06:39: i found this on the bulletin board of that accursed site. i assume that a local columnist wrote it, i just don't know who. but it makes a lot of sense. dammit.


He Doesn't Love You Enough...

During what women believe to be the start of a budding romance, certainty about where the relationship is going is never questioned. To us, "it's in the bag" without necessarily saying this out loud.

He calls, he tells me, he misses me, asks me out often, is relentlessly sweet and thoughtful. I am always on cloud nine and unapologetically unable to wipe the grin off my face. I am in love with him and although he hasn't said so yet, I am sure he loves me back.

Herein lies the tragedy.

With men, until he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend, you are not on safe ground. No matter how few the minutes are between his text messages or his phone calls, even if he has tried to hold your hand, carefully pick off the eyelash from under your eye, and wipe the crumb that was perched on your upper lip, assume that he just wants to be friends. Assume otherwise and you'll be in for a great big heartbreak. I am not trying to build a community of skeptics and cynics through this column but to warn all the women out there to tread the waters carefully before jumping in. I am your willing guide in your journey through the abyss of relationship. I have been the confidante of so many men all these years that I know how their minds work. I know what they'll do next. I know what they want...because they tell me.

Men are almost formulaic- especially those who have remained single after 25. When faced with the same given in the same situation, no matter where they come from, they will all do the same thing.

Enter the questions women love to ask: (1) Why hasn't he called me the past few days? (2) If he likes being with me so much, why doesn't he leave his girlfriend/wife for me? As much as we would like to fall back into thinking that men are idiots and need a little shove into the right direction, I advise you to please keep your hands where they are. Do not text, call or make a bigger fool of yourself. There is just one answer to all these questions: he doesn't love you enough.

Let's take each situation one at a time. He hasn't called you the past few days... Women will immediately assume that something's wrong. His cellphone is off, he is sick, he got into an accident, he's upset with me etc. We spend hours trying to think of what could possibly be preventing him from calling us. Once we come up with the most logical answer, e.g. he is sick, we decide to text him. We say to ourselves, "okay lang for me to text him, at least he'll think that I care about him and that I'm thoughtful. Plus, once lang naman to e. After this, i'll never initiate texting." More brazen women could come right out, call the guy and ask, "Why haven't you called me?" Whenever my women friends tell me they did this, I visibly cringe and have to stop myself from hitting them over the head.

You see, men's initial feelings for a woman are not usually carved in stone. How they feel about you is very much like writing on the sand. You have to be careful so that they don't change their minds about you. My guy friends who confide in me (voluntarily) have the same facial statement when they tell me about the girl who asked them that question, "Why haven't you called me?" They look like they have the heebie-jeebies.

They freak out and are this close to complaining about this. They haven't called you because they don't feel like it. They might feel like it later but at the moment they don't so they won't. They are aware you exist and don't need you to remind them about it. They will let your first call go this time but already, they are leaning toward "not feeling like calling you" on a long-term basis. Do you want that? I don't think so. They also tell me that men are entitled to change their minds the way women do. They are also flaky and "not sure" all the time.

He hasn't left his girlfriend or his wife for you. Sometimes men are looking for icing on the cake in the form of a woman friend who plugs in all the gaps that his better half cannot fill. She is usually somebody with slightly different qualities than his mate. He enjoys being with her, calls her all the time, consults with her about life-altering decisions but does not really come out and make a decision about who he wants to be with simply because he is in a "safe place." He has the best of both worlds and doesn't need to make a choice. If he hasn't left her for you yet, chances are, he won't.

Telltale signs: she is still his priority. When she calls and asks him to pick her up, he hurriedly finishes his meal and tells you that he has to go. When you ask him out on days when he has to take her home, he'll say he can't. You notice that you are only together when his schedule permits it and when seeing you doesn't conflict with his time with her. You get the crumbs. This kind of arrangement only tells you that he doesn't love you enough to forsake his girlfriend for you. If he takes a chance by leaving her for you, you're sure that he loves you.

Most men would stay with the safe, the tried and tested over risking everything. It takes a lot for them to, believe me. Obviously, you don't want to be second best or the pangtawid-gutom.

Find someone who will make you his only priority. Although they pretend and seem otherwise, men are not idiots when it comes to matters of the heart. They know full well what they want out of the relationship. They do not need to be rescued by you. They don't need hints, carefully crafted text messages or highway billboards that promise them a bed of roses with you. If they really like you, they will do anything to get you to like them back. You just have to sit there and wait for your nails to dry.

Trust me. I can get enough signatures from the creeps to validate this.


if you know who worte this, do tell. i would like to give writing credits. :)



brewed by lifecafe  

 
23:40: for the past 6 years, i have made an ass of myself because of a ridiculous proposal my brother made, which i foolishly agreed to. we agreed that everytime we hear this song, no matter where we are, we have to stop, pump a fist in the air and stomp a foot throughout the song's chorus. i have stood in bars, clubs, malls, and sat through many, many rides looking out a cab or fx window, doing the fist-pump as subtly as possible, wondering why on earth we ever agreed to do it. my brother's wife said that we should put an end to it and that the only way to break the curse, so to speak, is for the both of us to hear the song at the same place, at the same time.

at 11:25pm, we broke the curse.

THERE IS A GOD!!!

brewed by lifecafe  

 
23:00: there is so much hype over the upcoming release of troy. i must admit, i'm really looking forward to seeing it on the 14th. i just found out that my most favored actor out of the whole hunky bunch also plays my favorite character from the story. mental note: bring tissues.

i wonder how they did it? if they'll be showing the gods and goddesses... if they'll be showing how the whole war started... if they'll be presenting it from an objective point of view.... i think i may be disappointed. but it's still worth watching, i'm sure.

overheard by a friend's friend at the cinema lobby:
girl: (giddy and and somewhat overexcited) ohmygod, brad pitt is troy!

ohhhkaaaayyy... yuh-huh. good luck to you.


brewed by lifecafe  

 
20:05: my friend dropped by to pick up frankie. i was away for two days and two nights, staying at a friend's. i didn't get to give him a proper goodbye. *sniff*

i finally watched the last samurai. i wasn't sure if i would like it so i never bothered to see it. i was afraid that they would infuse too many western ideas in the eastern philosophy. i love the japanese culture. i must have been japanese in a past life. and my love for swordsports has instilled in me a huge amount of respect for the samurai class and the samurai code.
i liked the movie. a lot. they had me scared a bit with how the story was going, but that ending was beautiful. before i knew it, i was sniffling and etoile was sniffling, and we had a box of tissues between us. it's not a weeper. i cried because i love the japanese culture and they showed it well.

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02:03: i got the kittens a makeshift litter box and now they're using it on their own. well, most of the time, anyway. sometimes they still go in the corners, but at least they're learning.

i'm going to have to give one of them up. my friend wanted to adopt frankie, but he backed out as his wife gave birth just last friday and he'll have to get rid of all the cats in their house. i'm still looking for someone who can take one kitten in. my friend says keep the girl, my brother says keep the boy. i don't know which one to keep and which one to let go of. fitz scores 11 on a cuteness scale of 10. she's also the noisier and more aggressive of the two. but frankie is smarter and more obedient. they say blue-eyed whites are usually deaf. both are blue-eyed, but they don't seem to be deaf. whoever adopts will have to make the decision for me, i guess. ...anyone want a kitten?

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