03:05: just amusing myself with some kenshin character quizzes.

You are Soujiro Seta!

The Tenken. Your fighting style awes all who see it, as well as your demeanor. You are Shishio's top fighter, and there is no doubt why.

There is a constant smile upon your face, and most people believe that the only emotion you can feel is pleasure. Your speed is unbelievable, and you are able to match, if not exceed, Kenshin's own god-like speed. Faced with pressure, though, and with emotional trauma and indecision, you are still a little kid. Good thing you can still kick some ass.

Which member of the Juppon Gatana are You?

i'm not sure about the smiling thing, but that last bit does make sense. never thought of it before, though.


My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Rurouni Kenshin Character Test, is Yukishiro Enishi

i don't know much about enishi, since i haven't read the manga. then again, with respect to how i deal with my past, i guess enishi would be the closest character match. the quiz also gave me sanosuke, kenshin, and saitou as matches 2 to 4, in that respective order.

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01:04: completely missed cinemanila this year... except for one movie that i just had to see.

if you've ever wondered what it would be like to see the animated carnage from rurouni kenshin in live action, then go see kitano's take on zatoichi. just what "zatoichi" means, i have yet to ask lola ayako. i'll leave a footnote when i find out.
the movie was a bit mainstream, but good. some of the humor is a tad off,but still enjoyable. or maybe my friends and i are just so sick that we find it funny when someone loses some fingers. hehe. nice fight scenes, though. not too dramatic. clean and quick. a lot of gore, but not as exaggerated as kill bill. que battousai!

i didn't think i would enjoy the movie, considering what i had to go through, dealing with inconsiderate cabbies during rush hour just to get to greenbelt on time before the final screening. but man, it was worth it.

i would love to have my own dvd copy of this, if only for the festival scene. and the fight scenes, of course.

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05:07: why?

the shock goes away, and i think to myself...
of my brother's bandmates, he was the only one i liked. he was the most artistic, the most grounded, and the nicest of them all. he was just coming out and he had so much to offer....

thank you for the music. thank you for the colors that you brought, whether or not you could see them all. thank you for watching over my brother when the rest of us could not. i wish you hadn't left us so soon.
goodbye.

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04:39: i found a nice disposable mechanical pencil for my journal, so i can start writing again after a 3-month hiatus. yes, i am that anal. i cannot write unless i have a good pencil. and a good eraser to go with it.
before writing a new entry, i decided to re-read what was in the notebook thus far. and now i'm depressed and i miss him. stupid me.

a dose of atlantis should get my mind off of that. but i expect that when i get up for rehearsals later, i will either sound like a cow or have no voice whatsoever. lesson for the day: singing difficult heart (the band, not the local celeb) songs more than twice in one night will cause you to lose your voice.

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03:52: new interface. it's screwing up my fonts. ugh. how do i override this?
 
help!


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05:09: 3 beers and 48 hours without sleep and an empty stomach makes me ... nothing. hungry, if anything.

it's taken 3 years, but i'm finally comfortable around bobby. so comfortable that i managed to initiate a conversation about something unrelated to the current show. i asked him about tommy and made a suggestion. he's considering it. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
another breakthrough: i actually lasted an entire day without him making a dig at me. (except for the comment about me fitting well in a band, which, oddly enough, everyone else took seriously.)

right after rehearsals, i hitched a ride to greenbelt to watch loquy at peligro. i know, i always talk about them. can you tell that i love this band? there is nothing on their line-up that i don't like.
i got there early. hell, aside from the bar's staff, i was the only person there! shortly after, the flutitian arrived and we chatted while the crowd filed in and got cozy. the box maker couldn't make it, so z played drums instead. drummer boy jammed with them, too. maybe it's because he's shared the stage with wev and the bass whore for nearly 10 years... maybe it's because i used to have a thing for the guy... but for whatever reason, i think the drummer boy is just plain better. z is great, but it just sounds tighter with drummer boy there. but, pare, ang galing talaga ng hinayupak na gitarista nila. naghe-headbang pa ampucha sa back in black. hehehe.


tell me, in all honesty, have you ever had a kiss with that much spark? ;P

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03:03: i recently found an old notebook that someone gave me for my birthday some years back. in it were 4 pages of really bad poetry written just after high school. inspired by my friend and other art-journalists, i decided to rip out the 4 pages and begin my own art journal. or an attempt at one, that is. i took three pieces, the ones that truly encompassed the five years that those four pages were about, and re-wrote them in a form that no one will be likely to read. unless, of course, they're as geeky as i am. so that makes page one, right after the cover page (which took me at least 4 hours to do and is still a work in progress).

and now i have absolutely no idea what to draw or write about. argh.

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04:23: to my sweet, clever little one (who people mistake as truly MY litte one)...

HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY!!!



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03:06: i've already linked him, but i sorta feel the need to advertise...



click on the button to see what i've been reading the past few nights. whether his posts are on serious matters, or about his day, or about nothing at all, i really enjoy how he writes. i warn you, though, if you're extremely conservative, you might want to stay away. this is his comic strip. not bad, either. give it a look.

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05:27: bored bored bored bored bored

i haven't thrown a disc in ... i can't even remember when i last threw one. i think it was at the beach.

by the way, congratulations to ulan's team on winning the mini-tourney yesterday! you owe me details. ;)

my ultimate crush is leaving this week. he's going to live out his dream (which was my dream, too, once). he's a big fish, in need of a bigger place than this. and so manila's cuteness quotient drops 10 more points. pity. i never even got to play with him. i mean play disc with him. never even got to see him on the field. and to think that he looks cutest when he's on the field. that field pic of his on that accursed site was his best one. or at least i think so, as he truly looks like orlando bloom there.

i'm babbling. this is what boredom + hunger + lack of sleep does to me.

i think maybe i'll spend the day in wilson. have a swim, toss a few and try not to hit the grills or the kids' playset. maybe, if y'all are free, you can join me? i hate being there alone.

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14:01: i found out yesterday that they made me an asm, which means i'd be needed every day at rehearsals for the show. i was prepared to give it up, saying i could sit it out and just wait for the bigger shows like west side story and next year's aida. then the cad reminded me that this was lea at the meralco theater. alright, so this isn't exactly a small show. and would i really give up a show, any atlantis show, for a job at a call center? you all know me better than that.
so i thought i'd drop the cash cow, if they won't let me change my training schedule to a later date. either that or not show up and wait to get fired.
but i got them to set me up for the september wave, after the show closes.

now i get to keep the cash cow AND still get to do what i love. happy happy joy joy!!!

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06:12: so why'd you fill my sorrows
with the words that you borrowed
from the only place you've known
and why'd you sing hallelujah
if it means nothing to you
why'd you sing with me at all
---from delicate by damien rice

it's been about a year since we met. wow... that went by pretty quick. probably another one of the many reasons why i've been so down lately.
sakit pa rin. but i'm better. lots.

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02:02: the cad was nice enough to inform me that today, the 7th, is the birthday of the woman who ages backwards. i bring this up because she is one of the reasons why i fell in love with theatre.

i watched my first big show when i was around 12. les miserables. boy, did that make an impression. i was absolutely riveted throughout the whole play. well, except maybe for empty chairs & empty tables. still, i thought the music was terrific. the set, despite my lack of fondness for the set designer, had me in awe. and the performers were truly impressive. i remember loving javert and jean valjean. but my favorite performance, albeit not my favorite character, was from the woman who ages backwards. she played fantine and made my hair stand on end and made me cry. apparently, i wasn't alone in thinking the local staging was brilliant, as my brother felt the same even after having seen the same play on west end.

i have since had the pleasure of working with this woman twice, and will be working with her again very soon. now i see her as a sweet, silly, infectious (i picked up all my "que" expressions from her), hyperactive, REAL person. but it hasn't made her any less of an icon in my eyes. que wonderful, this person!

not that she'd ever read this... but happy birthday to the woman who ages backwards! perhaps i should give you a baseball bat to keep the drooling milf-fan-boys at bay. :)

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04:30: have you ever had a really good dream? the kind that seemed so real, you wake up believing it really happened. then you're sorely disappointed when, some moments after you wake, you realize that none of it happened. you sort of wish you never woke up from the dream so you could keep believing it was real.

have you ever had a repressed memory come back to haunt you? it's the exact opposite of all that. it's dreamlike, a bit hazy. you think it's not real, but then you remember too much of it to know that it is. you wish none of it happened because it's just plain wrong and things like that shouldn't happen. but it did happen and you wish you could put it out of your mind entirely and erase every memory of it. there's a reason why these things are repressed, you know.

but i remember. little details... everything my five senses could take in. empty room, sunlight and shadow on the floor, rustling of the grass outside, the cold, the taste, the smell... and the name... the humiliation and confusion at being punished for something i did not fully understand. i must have been 4 years old, maybe a year younger or a year older. i didn't know any better. i was never warned. no one thought to warn me because no one wants to think that things like that really happen. except they do and they did.

my family knows, i think. they must know. but we never spoke of it. if we did talk about it, when i was younger, i no longer remember what was said.
i've never told anyone. it's the kind of thing you reserve for shrinks. maybe someday i'll tell my best friends. maybe i'll tell other people, if and when they need to know.

god, i am one screwed-up person.
i was kidding two days ago, but i'm not kidding now. i think i do need a shrink.

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16:37: i was bloghopping and found this on couscous's blog.

Which Pinoy Rock Band Lead Singer Do You Secrelty Desire? by neva
Full Name
Gender	FemaleMale
Birthdate
Favorite day
You secretly desire	Marc Abaya
You will	Scream his/her name whenever you see him/her
Is the feeling mutual?	No
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

ohkaaay... i'll take that. it's surprisingly accurate. except that no, i won't scream out his name whenever i see him. that's more like something ulan would do. hehehe. kidding. :D

i wonder what san, my marc-obsessed niece, has to say about this?

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23:13: CATHERINE: I would like to see a doctor called Doctor Von Heimlich: Please find one. And I would like him to wear a monocle. And I would like him to have a very soft, very well-upholstered couch, so that I'll be perfectly comfortable while I'm blaming everything on you.

---from proof (act 2, scene 5)
by david auburn


no, seriously. i think i need a shrink.

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01:47: i'm broke now. again. but hey, it was worth it. at least i didn't strike out. and i did enjoy myself. i could have done without the side joke, though.
i'll laugh it off, like i always do. but i've been more sensitive to jokes aimed in that direction ever since the fox mccloud episode. it just makes it that much harder. still, the public random act of sweetness is much appreciated.

and i swear, i will learn all voices of that song so it can finally be sung properly.

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