07:21: didn't go to rehearsals this week. i haven't been feeling well. that and the idea of a camera crew going around during rehearsals didn't exactly appeal to me. i did go last thursday, just to leave something at the studio then kill time at rehearsals. they were blocking patterns. i think it was the first time i ever saw bobby do an initial run and have absolutely no changes done afterwards. what can i say? it's things like that that show you why the woman who ages backwards is who she is. she was terrific. it was beautiful. i very nearly cried.
when i saw miller at the studio that day, he said that i looked different. i said it was that i had lost some weight. he said it was more than that. like i had some sort of aura. like i seemed happy.
happy?!?
if i hadn't been so sad, i'd have laughed out loud.
why was/am i sad? i don't know. all i know is that i'm not happy. and i haven't been genuinely happy since a year ago, when that whole thing had just started and we were living without fear. going to the beach, having fitz, playing ultimate, working on a new show, days with e., it's all great. put 'em all together and it still doesn't come close to what i had a year ago.
but if being that happy spells another drastic crash, would it be worth it?
brewed by lifecafe
