19:31: sa mga nagtatanong kung may yahoogroup na kami, meron na po. just look up 'tinola' in yahoogroups. while you're at it, be spf and join the MaHaSa yahoogroup, na rin. =)

about time i talked about american idol, ya?

here's my top 6, in no particular order.

taylor, the soul spaz with the most distinct voice. great music.
chris, the uncompromising rocker. you got bo and constantine last year, but they are nowhere near this guy. i love that he does not bend to fit america's standards. never ever change, chris!
elliot, the amish boy with soul. his is the kind of voice i melt for. i love his choice of music and his jazzy notes and phrasing.
mandisa, class in a big girl. great voice, too.
paris, the little girl with the big voice. she won me over during auditions when she sang take five. kinda like fantasia, but not quite.
katharine, mcpheever. my female version of elliot. i love her for the same reasons i love elliot, except she's not amish and she's uber pretty. also won me over during her first audition when she sang god bless the child. if i ever meet her, i'd ask her if i could keep her and make her mine.

but... i don't want any of my top 6 to win. i've got other ideas.

ace is undeniably hot, but his voice is just blah.
lisa was a favorite of mine during auditions, but left me unimpressed ever since she sang i am changing. sorry. i've been spoiled by having listened to dreamgirls for months when we staged the show. a friend of mine described her as being too 'disney' and i know exactly what that means. it's like she grew up wanting to be in a disney sitcom. almost like an african american girl for the white man's world.
although i'm not a big fan of hers, i want pickler to win. i feel that everyone will do fine on their own, whether or not they win but i think that if any of my top six win, they'll be a bit too packaged and commercialised and i don't want that for any of them. pickler fits the 'idol' image, and i feel that she'd benefit the most from getting the idol deal. plus, she's got the sob story and the charm to back her up. she lacks a little fullness in her vocals, but she's got a good voice. but country girls winning back to back? not likely.

this week sucked. the theme was music in the 21st century and out of the 10 songs they picked, only 2 or 3 were good. that only points out why i don't listen to the radio anymore: most of the stuff you hear these days is crap.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
06:39: about a week ago, i dreamt about his wedding. i didn't go to the ceremony. i'm not sure if they'll even be having a ceremony. but i went to the reception. except i wasn't really invited, so i was just somewhere in the vicinity, sneaking, sort of. i don't know why i was there.

although he told me about it years before, before he even told his own family, it never really sunk in. it finally hit me after that dream. he's getting married. all this time that i've known about his plans to marry someone else, i've never quite known how to feel about it. and i still don't know how to feel about it. all i can say is ... wow. he's really doing it.

bitter little girl and i were talking about love song for a vampire and she said "why don't you sing that for the wedding?" the song is beautiful but extremely obsessive and kind of sad. for me to sing it at my ex-boyfriend's wedding would be a bit much, don't you think?
apparently, she meant my own wedding, whenever the hell that will be. d'oh! obviously, there are issues there that were never really addressed.

i spent yesterday babysitting yuki, shubo and kohei, shubo's friend. they had just arrived from japan. the others had wedding errands to run and since the young ones wanted to go to the mall and only yuki can kind of get by with her english, i stayed with them while they grabbed a snack and did their shopping. i finally met shubo. i remember seeing pictures of him when we were younger. i always found him cute. he's cuter now. very cute, in fact. after shopping and dinner, i stayed at the house and waited for our driver to come pick me up.

at the house, he asked me to go to his wedding.
how weird is that?
or perhaps i should not find that so odd. after all, i have known their family for more than half of my life. they're my second family. i've spent birthdays, christmases, new years celebrations and countless other non-events with them. the invitation, like a lot of other things he says, was more of a statement, not a question.
sigh.
much as i am trying to simplify my life these days by avoiding drama, opportunities for drama seem to hunt me down. i wanted to say no. i really wanted to say no. going to your ex's wedding is just too damn awkward.
but i want him to feel that i know how big of a deal this is, in spite of bitter little girl's disinterest in the whole matter, and i want to show my support my being there. at the same time, i also wanted to show him that i'm not affected by officially losing him. although that last bit is subject to debate. i think that maybe a part of me still cannot believe that he's really going through with it and i think that part of me needs some form of closure.

at the end of the night, i said ok.
am i doing the right thing here? can i really do this?

brewed by lifecafe  

 
22:27: i wanted another yaj incident, an interesting scene you could stick into the movie in my head.
but i grew up yesterday. i told you how i felt straight out. no drama, no bull. and in a way i'm glad it wasn't an uncomfortable scene because apart from the fact that you're a two-timing cheat and that you can be so very pushy sometimes, we actually weren't bad together. i've had some great conversations with you, which i can't say about very many people and a small part of me doesn't want to lose that, so it's nice to know that we can still talk.

i learned a lot but now my experiment is over. thanks. now, give me my stuff back and leave me alone.

brewed by lifecafe  

 
23:41: if you had been online over the weekend, you'd have known i was in a pissy mood by my status on yahoo! messenger. what was it? oh, yeah. it said '*sigh* fuck you all.' what can i say, i had a very bad week. things just kept going downhill after my last post.

our first gig sucked*. ok, not completely, but i know we could have done better. after a day like that, i was just looking forward to some rock and roll and alcohol. denied, because the boys' mhs gig was cut short by rjp. what a ---.

crappy though last week was, this week made up for it. f1 is back. it's gonna be an awesome season, i can tell. williams, although they may not have the best car, has found the most promising drivers in both mark webber and nico rosberg.

i finally got my dvd of rent. i managed to wait a full two days of having it with me before i watched it. that, of course, means i cried multiple times. even when i watched it again with the commentary on. as expected, i wasn't ecstatic about chirs columbus' direction, but there were a few changes made that worked really well. there were also a a few changes that i was unhappy with. overall, only one thing really pissed me off. coming from a huge renthead, i'd say that's not bad.

the rest of the week was all about fun, sloth and gluttony, and being painfully aware of certain truths that cannot be changed at the moment. today, i am back on earth. louie, my bandmate, says people have been asking if we have cd's or regular gigs or a yahoogroup. wow. i guess we didn't suck that bad after all. i say it's awesome. but for now, i'm off to continue my sloth fest.

*special thanks to will, chi, berna and lalaine for being there

brewed by lifecafe  

 
12:11: summer days. the heat is back.

i went to a fundraiser last night; a send-off for mon david, who'll be competing in london for their first international jazz vocals competition. it was a fun night, despite my room temp beer. but hey, i ended up not paying for the beer, so i'm not complaining much. the music was as expected. that mike guevarra is pretty good!

i think i ought to go out and watch more gigs like these. the creativity is infectious. i found myself writing last night. wrote so much that i was too exhausted to watch football. reading the lyrics now, the stuff that i came up with wasn't bad. except for this one line, which sounded good when i was singing it in my head this morning... but when transcribed, it reads "and your eyes, your eyes, your eyes"
endless love ampucha!! hahahaha... ang pangit!

postscript.
because what would have been our first gig on 24th feb was postponed (damned rallies and proclamations!)...
"mars in love" @ powerbooks live!, greenbelt, this saturday, 11th march 2006. begins 7pm. hope i see some friendly faces in the crowd. =)

brewed by lifecafe  

 
05:41: as i packed up my electronics from the condo, will said "you're gonna miss me when i leave, 'no?" i nodded. idiot. what kind of a question is that? of course i'm gonna miss him! i'm gonna miss them all!

because will is leaving the country to work abroad very soon, i decided to move out of the condo.
most of my friends have left the company. there are only 2 of my good friends left there as of today. that's painful enough, but because of something else that happened over the weekend, i decided to quit.

i'm back to square one. i've thrown it all away in a moment of irritation. but i had to do something about it and it didn't seem right to just let it lie. so here i am, jobless and homeless by choice. i should be worried. instead, i could not be happier.

go on, ask me why i'm happy.
because, because, because!
despite the somber tone of this post, i am a big ball of energy right this moment. it's not the freedom from corporate life. it's not the sense of controlling your own destiny. it's just sheer happiness.
because i'm seeing e today!
yeah, i'm weird, i know.

brewed by lifecafe