12:43: for san, jose, and schmidt. and for anyone else who may have lost someone or may be lost.

sometimes these things happen. we can keep questioning it, but we will never fully understand the reasons why.

if you're directly affected by it, you stop, in a state of shock. time stops for you. then you wish you could pull back the thread, back to when things made sense. but the only thing we have is the little unreliable recorder that runs in our heads. we play it over and over, but "the 3d imax of your mind" doesn't always stay as clear over the years. in time, the memories fade and we start to panic. we start to forget little details. but the truth is, as much as we want to preserve those memories, it's not the details that are important... it's the experiences themselves. the things that have shaped us and have truly stayed with us. that's all that counts.

from an outsider's perspective, you have a clearer head. you think about your own mortality. you remember all the clichés... life is short... carpe diem... no day but today. you think about the things that are important to you. all the things you would like to accomplish while you still have the time. and if you're smart enough, you start acting on them today.


what does this mean to me? this means i need to give some serious thought about my life and where i really want to go.

Labels: updates, yuloys

 
17:13: thomas's birthday last night. it's funny. i hadn't seen thom and arni since thom's birthday party last year. it's turning into some sort of annual reunion. it was like the exact same party, only one year later. same caterers, same food, same table settings and flowers and all that. pretty much the same guests, too. thomas has food and tables ready for about 50 people, but no more than 3 tables are ever occupied. when thom's girlfriend asked him where everyone was and who he invited, he just paused to think and didn't say anything, at which point she screamed at him "you didn't invite people, no!" hahaha... our theory is that he's given a budget and everything is arranged for him and that pretty much all he has to do is show up on the night itself.

anyway, this time around richie and rina weren't with us. rich just got discharged from the hospital. he hadn't been feeling well lately. turns out his cholesterol level is way too high and now he's on a strict diet. richie z on a diet... he'll never live.
people, we are talking about a guy who gets his picture taken with bacon because he loves bacon so much. i remember that he once blogged about how he orders a double cheeseburger meal from mcdonald's, takes the fries, puts it in the actual sandwich, then adds some barbecue sauce on it. the guy eats fast food everyday. richie sans cholesterol? i don't see it happening. i only hope rina can keep him in check and keep him healthy.

joining us at thom's party this year was abby. i hadn't seen abby since they graduated from college, but since we last met after the 8-year gap, we've been going out a lot. in fact, in this past week alone, we finished a total of 2 bottles of red wine at my house on thursday, an equivalent of over 2 litres of red horse and 1 bottle of san miguel premium at 2 different bars on saturday, then at thom's party, more beer, some goldschlagger, and a variety of vodka-based drinks. yup. she's not the same innocent abby we used to know, but she sure knows how to party.

other additions to our table at thomas's party this year were thom's cousins, josh and migs. migs apparently plays guitar for a local group. he's a cool kid. thanks to him, i may have found a drummer (possibly the perfect drummer) for tinola. although now i hear our bassist just quit all his bands as of lunch today, so i don't know how that's gonna go.

it was nice to hang out and reminisce about the things we'd do and our screw-ups and famous one-liners from college. it's also good to see where everyone is now. thom seems to be taking school seriously. arni's career as a rapper looks like it's about to take off soon. richie's killing himself with cholesterol. abby and i are slowly turning into alcoholics. and karen cannot stand living in her grandma's house but is quite happy with ted. i hope joey, karl, jel and the others are just as happy.

Labels: hang-out stories, trips and long weekends, updates

 
01:14: yes, yes, i know. i haven't posted in over a year. so why the hell am i writing again? i don't know. i've kept silent for so long, i'd forgotten what i sounded like.

oh, if i could talk/write in detail about everything that happened while i was away from this beloved blog... but that would take way too long. here's 15 months in one breath: i got the job i wanted, moved out of town, missed home and certain people like mad, got sick and also got sick of being away from home, went back home, and here i am.

trips of note in said 15 months:
1.) trip to pagudpud >> on my own, i traveled for more than half a day on the road. 3 bus rides, 1 tricycle ride, no food, and a cell phone that died before i could get clear directions. wanted to kill my friends when i found out they brought a frickin' van with them and drove in a fraction of the time it took me to get there.
2.) allan's team building at crystal beach >> the same weekend this huge storm hit the area.
3.) tech lead outing zambales >> no sleep at all for 3 days and 2 nights + little food in my tummy + neil handing me endless shots of alcohol because everyone else had stopped drinking = the end of what was once a well-kept secret
4.) xvgts @ redmond >> went to the states for a training summit with the whole team (+ x - les) and got fat on 3 cans of soda, mostly dr. peppers, a day.

there were other noteworthy incidents in the past 15 months, of course, but i will not mention them in this blog. hah! and you thought i would spill dirt....

Labels: little nothings, trips and long weekends, updates

 
15:33: i sort of got ambushed today. all day, actually.
buttcrack (not his real name, obviously. and no, he does NOT look anything like a buttcrack) greeted me a happy hearts day. he was the first person to even say hi on the floor. que sweeeet! that was enough of a shock. he tried dragging me to lunch with him. i would've given anything to join him but i couldn't. i needed to take my meds at a later time, so i had to pass. i think he had lunch by himself. poor guy. instead i had lunch with muffin, mickey & 3 gay guys. really, what does that say about me? that's just sad.
second ambush came when one of my agents had to take his break alone. he dragged me with him to smoke. correction, he smoked, i just stayed with him and drank my water. this guy is my team's backbone. i couldn't possibly say no to him.
the third ambush came in the elevator on our way down. the trainers said they needed to talk to me. dunno when, but my guess is it will be very soon. i'm afraid. i'm not sure i'll like what they have to say. i'm about to reach a fork in the road, and i'm not sure which path to take.
the fourth ambush was when i dropped by the escalations area to say goodbye to muffin. someone shoved the rock band mic in my hand and they wouldn't let me leave. i only got to leave because someone from live needed to do an account recovery and we had to stop playing.
oh yes, we have rock band now. i know the game's been out for months, but we weren't supposed to get a copy of it at all. i actually jumped up and down and squealed "rock band! we have rock band!!" when i saw the visiting big boss carry it in. hardware's prize for getting awesome stats, the game is for the exclusive enjoyment of hardware's agents and non-agents. my boss did say "hardware rocks!" so i guess they figured we'd appreciate rocking out. and we do. oh yes. we do. =D

Labels: updates

 
01:59: in a continuing effort to cheer my friend up (and because it was her birthday and i had missed the dinner party she held on saturday), we went out for a very late dinner. a new year means new things and new places, so off we went to this new place that just recently sprang out of nowhere - proud mary.



to be honest, we ended up there because no other place was opened at 22:30 on a sunday night. the place was practically empty, we weren't even sure they were open. only one other couple was there, dining two tables away. we later learned they owned the place. still, the place was quite nice. we didn't regret going there.


if there was one thing we learned in college, it was to look at things with a critical eye. my friend and i immediately started commenting on the decor and the design of the place. there's an area in the front with couches and coffee tables and magazines. almost like a reception area at a spa, i thought.

in hindsight, our local neighborhood bar has sort of the same set-up. it's just more grungy. proud mary has more of a lounge feel.
we were told that it's not completely finished yet. next week, they'll be bringing in the tv's to be placed against the wall. they've got wi-fi, too. coolness!

i'd imagine it's a great place to dine and watch the lifestyle network or discovery travel & living or some such channel. and the staff is friendly and accommodating, too. my only real complaint was that the music ruined things. the atmosphere called for longue or chill-out or starbucks-type music or even pogi jazz. i didn't mind the fact that they had the radio on, but at least put it on wave 89.1 or crossover 105.1 or something more suitable to the atmosphere. i know it's a sunday, but leaving the radio on rj?? i swear, every new (i should say old) song evoked a new facial expression of horror mixed with disgust. but enough about that. let's talk about the food.
i had just had dinner so all i ordered was a mango shake and a banoffee pie. if you like your banoffee with chunky bananas, you'll probably like the way they do it. personally, i'm in it for the toffee, which was rather good, but i felt there wasn't enough of it to balance out the chunks of banana. the mango shake was similar to what you'd find in bizu. it's practically liquid mango. yummmm!
i forgot what the dish was called, but my friend ordered a fried pork dish, which was pretty tasty.
the menu was interesting and i'll make it a point to come back. there are a number of things i'd like to try, like their crab meat soup, or the scampi pasta.

proud mary is located towards the end of tomas morato, just before you reach the abs-cbn compound.


after dinner, we went to kozui, a quaint cafe(?) that serves mostly green tea.
being a fan of chai and green tea, i've always wanted to go there, but never truly found the opportunity to do so. besides, it always looked so intimidating from the outside. i imagined it would look a lot like a chinese restaurant, not unlike le ching in greenhills back in the early '90s. not so. think of it as starbucks, only everything is lime green and everything on the menu is made of tea. and i do mean everything. take their cakes for example - green tea cheesecake and tearamizu (i'm a sucker for corny food names, i'm sorry. i figure this would go well with binalot's calamansi flavored iced tea, kalamantea. nyahahahahaha!).

the idea of having nothing but tea on the menu seems daunting but because green tea is so mild, it does go along with pretty much anything. they have different kinds of green tea and oolong tea, mixed with all sorts of flavors. so far, i have tried an ice blended green tea with butterscotch. i loved it. my friend ordered something with mint and lime. loved that, too. having just come from dinner, we were unable to try any of the food. but there's a lot more to kozui. they've also got cool merchandise for sale.

and the place itself is simple and inviting, not to mention the music was good. heheh.



on the second floor, they've got a nice, quiet area where i am sure i'll be spending lots of time in, either chatting with friends or quietly reading a book by myself.


i honestly wish kozui had more branches. so far it's just this one branch along tomas morato, across from mocha blends.

my review on kozui? i love it!!!!! if you're a tea person, i'm sure you'll love it, too!

(i aoplogize. my friend said if i was to blog about this, we would need proof that i was actually there. with everything around me so japanese, i couldn't help but do the pose.)

Labels: hang-out stories, raves, updates

 
15:55: people at work have been asking me about khali. apparently, there are rumors spreading over text that he's dead.

you sick fucks.

karl roy is fine. stop spreading dumb rumors. if you want details and you know me personally, ask me.

Labels: updates, yuloys

 
20:27: when 2007 started, i said it would be a year of pain. i was right. it took about 8 months before things actually picked up a little. the one person who was once all that made me happy became the main source of my unhappiness for a huge chunk of this year. yes, there still is tension between us. and for my friends who think i'm ok now, i'm not. i meant it when i said i'd stay away, so please don't push it.

i turned into mark cohen. those lines that drove me so long ago when i was first introduced to rent became my motto once more:
"don't breathe too deep... don't think all day... dive into work... drive the other way..." work, luckily, has been kind. the people, the environment, moving up or sideways or whatever... all of it has helped me tremendously. work has made my life a circus, but the dejection was still there. i was very, very close to giving up on a lot of things that used to mean everything to me. and just when i was ready to give up on music, i met someone who rekindled my interest in playing and making music. it sounds maudlin, but it's true.

enter: bassist. i met him in a training class that i was co-facilitating. it wasn't until they actually finished training that we got to talking. turns out, he played the bass. we were looking for a bassist. turned out he played jazz bass. bam! there you go. the following weekend, we jammed with the band. kaboom. the sound i had been looking for. the direction we had been needing. i now have a clearer vision of where things are going. THIS is what i wanted. i admit, i was being hopeful when i first asked this guy if he wanted to join, but seeing how things are going and where things could go... i got more than i had hoped for. yes, tinola is alive. or will be, after i'm done with this play. and i am quite happy, albeit a little frightened.

Labels: updates

 
19:59: working for ech-bach has been such a blast. i never imagined i'd be this happy in this industry. things have been moving so fast, i haven't had time to write about what's been going on and what changes i've been going through at work. suffice to say that all is well, though. still, every now and then i feel like i need to go back to my roots, specially when a show i can't say no to comes along. a dose of atlantis, like i always say. so i filed for a week-long leave from work to do avenue q and be bobby's bitch.
yeah. i kinda miss being bobby's bitch. but not after i felt the bitch slaps the other week, when i took someone with me to rehearsals. i should have seen that coming. dammit.

avenue q... if, like myself, you grew up watching sesame street, the muppet show, fraggle rock and similar shows, and if, like myself, you laugh at people who tend to be overly politically correct or ludicrously uptight or, hell, if you just like laughing at other people, do watch avenue q. onstage from september 7th to the 23rd at rcbc plaza. showtimes are fridays 8pm, saturdays 2pm and 8pm, sundays 3pm. tickets priced at php 500, php 1000, php 1500. splurge a little. i guarantee, it's a fun show.

Labels: theatre, updates

 
17:14: finished training for my new post today. welcome to hell, one of the older guys said. indeed. i managed to ace the first exam and got a fairly good score on the second exam, considering it was pretty tricky and i had no idea what i was doing. some of my batchmates will hit the floor tomorrow for a-bay. i get to go back to work on thursday?, 11am eastern. too tired to think of what day that actually is, but i think that means i get tonight and tomorrow to rest, then come back on midnight of friday. i know i should study all my new documents while i'm off from work, but i just started watching an old cartoon yesterday, something i tried to follow on axn when i was back in college. now i'm re-hooked. slam dunk is calling me. tempting. i even bought a bar of hershey's special dark chocolate (to celebrate oficially getting into t02!) and a stock of bread pan for my marathon.

speaking of tempations...
it's sneaky how these caterers serve pork sisig on ash wednesday. i mean, when you're at work, you don't really bother to make a note of what day it is. and when you see sisig and chicken adobo and beef being served for lunch (which is free at our office), there's just no way you're gonna say no to that. next thing you know, your plate is empty and you're saying "ash what now? oh, shi-!!" evil, these catering people.

Labels: manga and anime, tv, updates

 
23:11: i'm still trying to get my mind wrapped around the idea of change. i'm not oppossed to change per se, but let's just say this change isn't something i welcomed or was expecting. what is it that's so attractive about the status quo? maybe i should just start listening to larson's music again.

picture this: you find yourself on the edge of a cliff with a body of water at the bottom. you know you can make the jump, but you're not overly fond of swimming. you also know you have to swim to get out of the area. not taking the jump and going back the way you came would be safe. besides, you like the woods. but it may take ages to find your way out. do you jump?

i took the leap. i'm in the water. here's hoping i don't drown.

Labels: little nothings, updates

 
17:24: got my final interview scheduled for the trainer spot tomorrow at 5am. nervous.
got something else i'm working on. it's a struggle that i shouldn't even start, specially when i'm so ambivalent about everything right now.
then there's that other thing that i can't do much about, but occupies my thoughts way too much.
i'm fighting three losing battles.

i've been getting the strangest dreams. in one of them, a friend of mine gave me some advice. except that it didn't really sound like advice... it sounded like a prediction made with complete confidence and a certain finality. i don't see that coming true, and i don't want to think of the consequences if it did.
in my dream last night, i was with a stranger who was helping me. i was walking to work (i don't know why i was walking at such a late hour, what with our neighborhood being so creepy) and i started getting leg cramps. the stranger was walking with me to work (i don't know why) and helped me to get rid of my leg cramps (i actually was getting leg cramps from standing and walking around so much when i was in tagaytay over the weekend). there was something else... i'm not sure what it was, but it had something to do with a misconception that the strager had about me, and i didn't know how to clear it up. being with the stranger was oddly comforting, somehow. i don't know what any of it meant. dream interpretations, anyone?

Labels: little nothings, updates

 
17:15: preliminary interview this morning, finally! wanted to go home after. was seriously considering going on e-out when it was offered coz i keep feeling something is ... off? can't explain it. something just doesn't feel right this week.

on the upside, while i was sitting on the xbox live bay at the start of my shift (because outsiders keep occupying our team's bay), i got to play fifa 07. not the full game, though. we only have the demo game from the live marketplace, but that was good enough. i was using barcelona against manchester united. my first time playing, so the guy from live kicked my ass, but it was fun anyway. using ronaldinho is awesome. also, i can't wait till they release guitar hero ii for the 360! i'll be in the game lab on most days after shift, for sure.

Labels: football, gaming, updates

 
17:09: work is awesome. the job is easy. i love the account. my team works hard and plays harder. the fact that i was put in this team with just one other person from my wave was actually good, in a sense. it forced me to bond with the rest of the team. and bond i did. our team kicks major ass. being at work and being with these people after shift helped take my mind off of other upsetting personal things and has kept me going.

there have been some changes lately. two weeks ago, openings for tier 2 were announced. 7 people fom our team applied. i didn't. i wasn't interested. a few days after, an opening for trainer was available. it is the one position i've been hoping for since i joined the company and started my training. iko said he'd hit me hard if i didn't apply for the spot. so i did. i figure if i don't get in, i'd be happy where i am, anyway. it doesn't suck to be a tier 1 agent, and i love my team and my teammates and our team manager. i've got nothing to lose. the same day i turned in my application, it was announced that 4 of our 7 applicants were accepted to tier 2, along with 2 of my closest friends from my wave and a few others. our 4 were jason (my seatmate), x, joel, and paolo. wow. i pretty much lost my best buds from the team right there. but hey, i'm happy for them. it makes the team more somber and quiet, but it's still the same team. we've still got our team manager, marj, and we love her. today, marj announced that she's being promoted to escalations team manager. she's leaving us for tier 2.

it's upsetting to think about it. i don't feel abandoned or anything. i'm quite happy for them all. i know that people have to move up sooner or later, and they do deserve it. i just feel sad that work, the one thing that was keeping me steady, is suddenly going through huge changes. i've honestly never been this happy about work outside of theatre. i was hoping it would last a little longer, is all.

Labels: updates

 
23:59: by far, my worst birthday ever. couldn't even sleep, so i had to ask my brother for sleeping pills.
year of pain, i said. sounds like i was right.
thank you for all the birthday greetings, friends. they made me feel loved somehow.

Labels: little nothings, updates

 
09:34: testing blogger beta.... where'd my archives go? please come back.*


warning: amazing race asia spoilers highlight to read.

i can't believe that ernie and jeena are the first ones out of the race. they were such strong contenders that they were my best bet to win. i just don't understand their decision. why get greedy and use the fast forward when you're on the second leg of the race and you're already in the lead anyway? any person who follows the show knows that the game is based on luck. if you do win the fast forward while you're ahead, you may get a huuuuge lead, but you could just as easily lose your lead at the start of the very next round while waiting at an airport.

ugh. now the only filipino representatives left are two ditzy girls who, while i think they can actually make it, are just annoying. i'd rather cheer for the indonesian brothers and the socialite sri lankan.


*fixed! and learning to tweak a couple of things that have been bugging me, too.
i like this labels feature that the new blogger beta has. i'm trying to figure out how to move the label up to the top of each entry. i plan to label my old entries, too, but that will take a while.

Labels: tv, updates

 
11:46: got back from puerto galera last night. my team was there for what could possibly be the last team building. in my case, the first and only team building i actually got to join. malas lang. everytime they've had one in the past, i'd been busy with something else.

although the team's shift was really only up until 10am, i stayed till 1pm and waited for the noobs to finish their work and send over their trackers. naturally, that meant i had to update my own tracker as well. i ended up taking the trip by myself, something i had never done before. went home and packed, took a cab to the bus station, took a bus and luckily got a boat that was still bound for galera. otherwise i'd have gone all the way there for nothing. i was surprised to see some of my agents (+1) get on the same boat about a half hour after i boarded.

we got to the island at around 7ish, unloaded our things (i was saved from a creep attack by my beautiful, sweet agents!) and grabbed a bite to eat. dinner was the only time we got to spend with our tm. we were quite disappointed that they didn't join us when we had drinks on the beach, or for anything the next morning. we were a large group, but our numbers slowly dwindled until it came down to nine of us and a full bottle of bubble gum flavored lambanog that ryan just happened to find on the beach. oh, the memories of college. ugh... i hate that stuff. specially the bubble gum variety. in total, we consumed 3 pitchers of mindoro sling, 1 pitcher of subzero, 1 bottle of bubble gum lambanog, and about a dozen bottles of red horse. those of us still there past 3:30am bet on what time the sun would rise (i won because i said it would be too cloudy for sunrise to even matter). we went to our rooms at around 7am, when people were getting up and we were still on the beach, bottles all over the place.

had a bit of a nap and grabbed a late breakfast with some good company. bacon and eggs with buttered, peppered hash browns are yummy. even yummier when it's free and is enjoyed with good company. spent the rest of the day in the room, talking about football, watching rugby, and just chatting. we had a hasty look at the stalls and merchandise in the mid afternoon and we almost missed our boats. heheh. girls. shopping. what can i say? i was on another boat, so i rode alone and met them on the dock in batangas. we took the same bus back but didn't really sit together because it was packed.

it's a shame. this was the only time i've had to really bond with these guys. when i first was first told i'd be handling a new tier 1 team, i was a bit disappointed, but they turned out to be terrific people --- self-sufficient, quick studies, and a whole lotta fun, too. i could not have asked for anything more. i miss them already.

Labels: trips and long weekends, updates